The Local Wildlife
by OceanFae
Summary: Sarah's having a rough time being Queen.


WHAT IS THIS?! Ocean created a new story? Oh, the horror! Sorry I've been out so long... But you'll love this one, I promise. I spent a while on it. Its J/S. (Oh, yeah. I wrote one.)

Disclamer: I dont own the King, or the Queen. But I do own Tenente Ocean (duh.), Healer Jessi, (My BFF.), Privates Mia and Mya (the Twins), and The Sphinx of the Third Entrance, (Kira-chan.) Dont worry, you wont get bored with all the characters. I made them specially for joo. :D

Have fun.

* * *

"_AAAHHHHH!!!!_ Stop it! STOP IT!!!"

I stared at the new queen, running away from a horde of goblins. They had a stick with a cockroach speared on the end, still twitching. They were chasing her.

"Lieutenant?" called a soft, squeaky voice near my ear. Two small fairies, the size of a human palm, perched on my shoulder. They were wearing their battle garments, staring at me with questioning green eyes in their identical faces.

"Yes, Private Mia?"

"The Queen… are you sure she is okay?" the fierce fairy asked. Her sister nodded her head at me.

"Yes. She is just… new here. We've been here for a lot longer." I said. My tail suddenly swished up behind me, knocking one of the twin fairies off of my shoulder. She shook her long brown hair and sat back down next to her fiery sister.

"Well… shouldn't you get help?"

"_I SAID STOP, you stupid, ignorant goblins!_"

"If she needs help, she will ask. Its rude to interfere with queenly business. Private Mya?"

"Yes, tenente?" the brown and green fairy looked up eagerly.

"Find the king. Private Mia?"

"Yes?" she questioned, ready for her assignment.

"Find the Healer, and tell her to come conference with me. Es importante, bein?"

"Si, senorita." She winked, and her fierce red form flitted out of existence.

The her sister was off in a flash, and I turned my attention back to the queen, who was currently standing very unladylike on the throne, cringing away from a twitching cockroach that was being poked in her direction. A sudden fierce energy surrounded me, crackling and burning. The air tasted electric, and I bowed respectively. The King was in the room.

"Lieutenant Ocean." His strong, velvety voice asked from beside me.

"Yes, Majesty?"

"What is going on?" he asked, tiredly. My ears twitched. My tail flicked in apprehension.

"Her majesty is encountering… the local wildlife. Your Highness." Aaah, sarcasm. Thou hast served me well.

"_Fix this."_ He hissed, and was gone from the room.

"Hola friendola!" a cheerful, growling voice called from the archway. The Sphinx of the Third Entrance, who looked vaguely like a Saber tooth tiger with earrings, stalked into the room, her three tails swishing behind her lazy step.

"Good day, darling." I stated, grinning at her appearance. She hopped onto two paws and walked like a normal person, however a little clumsy. She smiled affectionately, but it looked feral on such an animalistic face.

"You gotta minute?" She asked, but was interrupted with a shriek.

"_I SAID NO! I don't want it!!!"_

"Actually, no, I have a situation to diffuse." Queen Sarah was being offered the cockroach by way of apology.

"Ahh, well. Meet me for dinner, then."

"Can we come?" There was suddenly a spring of tiny voices in unison, speaking from each of our shoulders. Privates Mia and Mya nodded enthusiastically in favor of a free meal.

"Sure, guys. Meet me at Squeaks Diner in downtown. I've gotta show you what I, ah, acquired from the last Runner." We all nodded, and the fairies decided to follow the friendly Sphinx.

I walked over to the queen, who was sitting dejectedly with her head between her knees.

"Your Majesty? A word?" I asked, bowing slightly.

"Yes, yes. What is it now? Something on fire? My _husband_ want to chat?" She said the words with malice. It was only a few weeks ago that she was brought Underground and made Queen. She certainly didn't ask for the change; then again, no one in the Goblin Kingdom did. We were all rejects of society, made a community… a family.

"Don't show it." I mumbled, trying to make my lips move as little as possible for this conversation.

"What?" she asked, looking up with grey green eyes.

"Don't show emotion, fear. They don't like it. They tease you, like children."

"Yes." She nodded. "Help me?" she asked quietly, her voice quivering in a whisper.

"Yes, of course, Majesty." I said, a little louder. My tail swished up above my head and played around in my hair, causing my ears to twitch in irritation. I had no damn control over the thing.

"Library?" she nodded. She got up gracefully, and walked with a purpose to the quietest room in the castle. Well, aside from the bathing room. Goblins are notorious for despising baths.

We walked into the library, which was a grand room to be sure, if covered in dust and spider webs. There were only a few books dusted off, books that I and the other creatures capable of enjoying a decent story had read.

Story books, contrary to popular belief, are rather rare in the Underground. The books are all very factual and written in a style that suggests fact; for instance, a book titled simply '_Merfolk and Their Kingdoms' _would contain the following excerpt:

_"_The classes of merpeople most commonly abundant in the surrounding area are the _Siren atlanticas_ and the _Siren pacificas_. Their kingdom is in the common shape of a circle, kingdom in the middle, lower classes outside, and a protective kelp forest to trap incoming attacks. A long line of historical events make the merpeople generally dislike the human world. In recent years, their food supply has been cut down dramatically, causing them to be forced Underground."

Common stories for made entertainment very rarely exist underground. In a readable language, that is.

"How am I supposed to do this?" she asked, desperate.

"Well, for starters, Majesty, may I speak informally?" I asked, certain this conversation could not be done with all the formalities her subjects required to complete.

"Yeah."

"Hi. I'm Ocean Hall. I used to be human." I started out simple. She looked at me, eyes large.

"Wish away." I pointed my thumb to myself.

"How… did… ?"

"It's a long story. But, I'm happy. I have great friends, a happy life, and a decent job."

"Job? Where do you work?" She was not aware of the army she commanded, I supposed. I nodded, briefly.

"First Lieutenant of the Goblin Army, and Head of Strategic defense in the event of war, at your service. Your army is very organized, and very effective if need be." I stated.

"Army?" she released a sigh, rubbing her forehead. I scratched my nose with a long, sharp fingernail.

"Uh, yeah. Well, the point of this conversation should not be what you rule, but _who_ you rule. The goblins, Majesty."

"Sarah. Call me Sarah."

"No. You're not a princess, Majesty. You're a Queen. Sarah is for princesses."

She nodded, her lips tightening. She looked angry, and a little sad.

"May I call you Reina then? Would that be acceptable to you?" I slipped momentarily into formalities. She looked confused.

"Why?"

"Means Queen. It might make you more comfortable." I suggested.

"Yeah, sure. Okay. That works." She smiled. She was a very pretty queen.

"Oky doky, Reina, lets get one thing clear. Goblins are like children, most of the time. They think farts are funny. They like to make fun of things, and spoil people's days with tricks. If you want them to listen to you, you have to enjoy them. Be sneaky. Be devious. But you can't be a girl around them."

Suddenly, she looked extraordinarily pissed off. There was snickering in the corner. I growled and spun.

"Whoever that is will be put on a PLATE and served to the nearest TROLL if you do not leave this room RIGHT NOW." My tail swished delightedly behind me, almost knocking over many books in the process. My ears laid straight back, tied to my emotion. The noise ceased.

"I think I get the picture. Now if I could just find a way to deal with his Royal ASSNESS."

I blanched. We were not aloud to say that out loud, even if we were thinking it.

We thought it often.

"Erm, I would try sex. Sex works." Wait, _what did I just say?_

"… WHAT?"My thoughts exactly.

"I… didn't say anything." I began talking rather fast. My inner mantra was 'That's the QUEEN, dumbass…' until I could think of anything else. Faintly, we could hear the sound of breaking glass and insane laughing that sounded suspiciously manly.

Her face was red. My face was red and pale. Awkward.

Her face suddenly became thoughtful, and a small smile appeared. Oh, gawd.

A knock sounded through the room. "Hello? Tenente? You wanted to sssee me?"

I coughed nervously, bowed, and backed out of the room, towards the reptilian Healer. We shuffled down the hall.

"Jessi… I think I just hooked up the king and queen."

"…. Whut?"

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Well? I know the bordom ninja must have struck a little throught the middle, but I like the ending. The real question is, DO YOU? *stares into your soul*

Review and you get a free Jareth plushy, complete with magical balls.


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